Abuse you may not Recognise (www.bullyonline.org)

Please note that individual incidents of the abuses listed here may be relatively trivial but there may be a large number of such incidents sustained over time which can cause serious psychological damage to the target, for example, depression, loss of self esteem or "complex post-traumatic stress disorder". It can be a sort of "death by a thousand cuts", where each cut may be relatively minor but the cumulative effect can be severe.




1. Failure to consider your worries and concerns

2. Lack of respect for different opinions

3. Whispering to others or mumbled below-hearing level criticism

4. Requesting information about us from others rather than to us

5. Threatening or aggressive body stance and gestures, disrespect for "personal body space".

6. Inappropriate touching, for example prodding in the ribs or pounding with the fist.

7. Discrediting the person: spreading rumours - "whispering campaigns", undermining him, ridiculing him, humiliating him, calling into question his convictions or his private life, shouting abuse at him or sexually harassing him.

8. Belittling the person: forcing him to perform tasks that are belittling or below his skills, simulating professional misconduct.

9. Preventing the person from expressing himself: yelling at him, threatening him, constantly interrupting or hectoring him, prohibiting him from speaking to others.

10. Isolating the person: no longer talking to him at all, denying his presence, distancing him from others, ostracising.

11. Destabilizing the person: making fun of his convictions, his tastes and his political choices.

12. Making false accusations, fault-finding, nit-picking, name-calling, nagging, teasing, taunting, mocking, mimicking, badgering, swearing.

13. Kicking, spitting, tripping up, barracking, cajoling.

14. Glaring, disdainful smirking, sniggering and grinning.

15. Finger pointing, finger poking and jabbing

16. Pushing, shoving, blocking or bumping.

17. Social exclusion, malicious gossiping, exploitation

18. "The look" - "the silent treatment" or unanswered questions

19. Pressured decision making

20. Audible, annoyed-sounding "sighing".

21. Snide remarks. "Can't you take a joke?" insults. This is abuse dressed up as banter.

22. Making a mess and failing to clean it up. Dropping litter.

23. Isolating or alienating from support groups or family

24. Making unnecessary noise that disturbs other people.

25. Issuing orders without giving reasons "Call me."

26. Falsely-stated expertise, talent or knowledge

27. Fist pounding of inanimate objects, banging desks, throwing objects

28. Life-style and security - innuendo or threats. Financial asset control to create dependence. Saying "I earn the money and keep a roof over your head!"

29. Breach of confidence or breaking a promise.

30. Interrogation of whereabouts, spending or intentions.

31. Committing our time or resources without our consent

32. Lack of credit for efforts or even falsely taking the credit for your efforts

33. Door slamming, fist shaking

34. Disproportionate allocation of assets

35. Display of weapon(s) meant to intimidate

36. Displayed generosity to create "appearances" which make you uncomfortable

37. Sulking, walking out, provoking guilt and turning the subject to his grievances

38. Failure to consider common-sense consequences to others of his behaviour

39. Changed expectations or unrealistic goal setting

40. Lies, including omission of needed information

41. Eye-rolling, 'snippy shoulder-shrug' responses, the 'humph' response, 'spit-out' responses

42. Irresponsibility with other people's possessions

43. Pretending to fire imaginary weapons (for example using finger and thumb to re-enact gun use)

44. Public humiliation, ridiculing - often at unfortunate circumstances

45. Character assassination, innuendo, "dirty tricks campaigns", slurring of character, smear campaigning, bullying, defaming, vilifying, victimising, scapegoating, demonising, persecuting, coercing, corrupting, harassing, berating, intimidating, beasting, hazing, mobbing, bullshitting, spying, bitching, backbiting, slugging off.

46. Humiliation at lack of knowledge

47. Discrepancy in treatment of children. Corruption, enticement or coercion into illegal or sexual activities.

48. Lateness or non-arrival causing distress

49. Reckless behaviour meant to scare

50. Possessiveness or jealousy

51. Inappropriate show of tears to appear overly reprimanded or portray insincere apology

52. Selecting weaker targets, for example, picking on women, children or elderly. For example, about one in twenty elderly people are abused in some way.

53. Bluffing threats

54. Throwing tantrums

55. Giving others tasks to do which are ill-defined and without the necessary resources or background information and then complaining about the outcome.

56. Responding to a criticism of the way he is doing something by throwing that task back at the complainant and saying "If you think you can do it better, you do it !"